If you can’t tell its Fake, how can you tell its Real?

Guilt. That seemed to be the topic of discussion as my friend and I sat down to our weekly ritual of Margaritas and bitching. My friend, and to protect her identity, I will simply refer to her as Z henceforth, was experiencing guilt and apparently truckloads of it. Seriously! She looked like she was going to pieces because of this Guilt. Needless to say it was about a MAN. When is it not? It seems like most of our emotions in life are invested in men regardless of our relationship with them or most of the time due to the lack of one in our lives!

Anyway, coming back to Z’s story, the guy she was blissfully dating at the moment apparently always had a question for her after they had made love. And it was the same question every time. Every night, like clockwork when the deed was done Z would hear her man pant out “Was it good for you baby?” In the beginning, Z was honest and would purr back “Absolutely Honey..”or “It was mindblowing!” or…OK I think you get it.

A few weeks later Z experienced the moment that all women have at some point or the other faced in their sex lives, the moment when you have no choice but to fake it to spare the guy’s feelings. Pffft..I know… it can be so frustrating! She carried on with her usual moaning and groaning, terrified that when it was all over he would know that she had faked it. So when the usual “Was it good for you?” came at her, she automatically responded with “it was amazing!” What surprised her all the way to her little toe was that he just smiled, kissed her goodnight and fell into deep slumber (as usual) leaving Z to a night of sleepless pondering of whether he had figured out her act or not!

As we sat sipping our drinks, Z told me that yesterday was the 4th night of faking the deed and the guilt of it was killing her. Did he know she was faking it and if he did, why dint he confront her? It had come to the point where she dreaded getting into bed with him thinking she would be discovered any moment and the whole relationship would go into the trash can.

After my usual consolation of, ‘its just a phase, don’t worry about it, we all have off nights etc’, our conversation moved on to other things as we dug into our burritos.

At the end of the evening as we waited for the bill to arrive, I couldn’t stop myself from asking Z something. Throughout dinner I had been wondering about why he kept asking her “Was it good for you?” What could be the reason behind it, was it real concern or….And just like that it hit me, hit me hard enough for a thousand light bulbs to comically appear over my head! Could it be that he seriously was unable to tell if it had been good for her? Is that why the question kept surfacing to ensure him that she had had an orgasm? Which led me to an even more astonishing thought; did he even know if she had had an Orgasm-with him-EVER??

So I suggested something to Z. I told her to consider this logic with a clear head. I asked her to consider this – her guy who never failed to ask her if it was good for her…probably had no idea if she had achieved an orgasm in their lovemaking. Hence, the same question every night to reassure himself that both parties had arrived at the same result. In fact he probably had no clue about a woman’s orgasm, regardless who he slept with. If he didn’t know what it felt like, if he could not tell when your orgasm was real, how could he possibly tell if it was faked?

There were several moments of silence between us while we pondered this logic. Of course the intense moment was ruined with the sharp bursts of laughter that escaped our mouths instantly. After all, it is not everyday that I point out to my good friend that the man she is sleeping with has no clue if ‘it was good for her’ or not.

Hilarious as this story may seem, the male species are to be pitied. I mean, wasn’t it enough that God had to create women’s minds and hearts in a fashion that is unfathomable to men? To top that God goes and gives women the most complex Genital system, understanding which might as well be Rocket Science compared to a man’s system of pull, tug and shoot!!!

So ladies, the next time you fake it…don’t put too much emotion into it…I mean do keep up with the moaning, but don’t fret too much after the deed is done! If you don’t believe me, may I refer you to the Orgasm in a Diner scene from When Harry Met Sally? Yeah…you get what I am saying!

Happy Faking!! (But don’t make a habit out of it, if you’re faking it that much…then its time to…well I’ll leave you to decide that)

Toodles!
Dee